Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Sour Grapes

    I can't explain it, but all day today I've just been down right crabby.  (I have a more explicit word in mind but thought crabby was more reader friendly).  I've had no motivation to make any food, even to eat, and I just have this mindset like "what's the freakin' point.  Who gives a rat's petunia anyways?"  I have no idea where this mood came from but I hope it doesn't last long.  I had hoped that I would be all positives and rainbows and unicorns about this process, especially when it's working so well, but I guess that was a pipe dream.  I'm not sure if I'm disappointing about that or not because I'm feeling pretty negative about everything right now.
    I was fine last week.  In fact, I was great last week so I don't understand this grumpy pants mood.  My Mom, God love her, is just getting on my last nerve and I know all she's trying to do is help but when she says things like "you know it's 12:30 right?" while I'm in the shower getting ready for a 1:00 class I just want to scream "does it look like I have access to a watch right now?! NO I do not know it's 12:30 but I do know I have to be to class soon.  Why the freak do you think I'm in the freaking shower?!"  And then when she knows everything I did up until I left for school (which did not include eating because I did not give myself enough time to put something together, which is totally my fault and on me and I'm not mad at my mom because I didn't have food) and then I come back home right after class and she asks if I've eaten today I just want to scream and pull my hair out and be like "really?! you're asking me this question? Did you see me eat before I left?! NO! Therefore, no I have not eaten today!"  Of course she defends her question by saying something like "well I don't know where you went after class; if you went out and got something."  Like she doesn't trust me to stay on the right path without her hovering over me ALL the time!  NO mom I did NOT eat out after class.  I have a 1-2:15 class and a 2:30-5:20 class.  I have no time to get food and I was home by 5:40; not enough time to stop by a fast food joint, eat the food, and hide the evidence - especially since it takes me forever to eat anything these days!
    Gah!  Some days I just can't stand it! I did fine on my own without her hovering over me like gnat.  I know when my classes are and when I have to work.  I know the consequences of not getting up in time to make food and I know how to remedy that situation as soon as possible in a healthy way.  Why can she not just trust me for crying out loud?!  And why does it bother me so much to the point where I almost feel the need to get violent with something?!

stay safe, stay happy, stay hopeful
borderline homicidal signing off

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