Life of the properly adjusted

Helloooo all! So I took a bit of a break while on vacation in Tuscon, AZ but decided I should probably get back to blogging, to vent my thoughts if nothing else.  I spent a wonderful week in AZ and got some work outs in and weighed my food and stayed close to on track! Win for me!

Ok but what I really wanted to talk about is how things have changed since I've finally been adjusted into the green zone! :D  I've been in the yellow zone pretty much since day one and it's taken a while to get myself into the green, but man what a difference.  I can actually tell when I'm full! and I stay full for nearly six hours which was my goal. :D  I have had a few oops moments, but I'll attribute that to the learning phase. :D Now in the green zone, I have to take much smaller bites than when I was in the yellow zone otherwise I feel discomfort almost immediately.  And when I say much smaller I mean the normal size bite for a banded person.  I haven't had to change bite size since my surgery until now.  I can happily eat 10-12 oz of food and last a good 5.5 to 6 hours. :D

I have to say I'm really loving the consistency the band is giving me hunger wise.  I can plan all my meals for the day and when I'll eat them because I know pretty much when exactly I'll be hungry.  No worrying about should I bring more food to work cuz maybe I'll get hungrier than I think I will or any of the stuff that caused me to "geek" out so badly before.  It's kinda pretty much awesome.

On the food front I found a great new breakfast that I love!  scrambled eggs with a little bit of cheese, half an avocado and half of a tomato, sliced, and either a cutie or some pan fried potato hash browns.  ( I make the hash browns with just cubed baker potatoes, some olive oil, and salt and pepper.)  It's a very delicious - and colorful!- breakfast.

On the exercise front I'm doing ok.  I took my insanity videos with me to AZ however I only did Monday's and Wednesday's work outs because I was insanely sick on Tuesday and things got crazy busy preparing for my cousins wedding Thursday and Friday and I was just plain pooped on Saturday.  However I did do a TON of swimming and running around with my little cousins and dancing at the wedding so I did do some activity.  I've struggled getting motivated to do my insanity again this week and haven't done any of them but I'm committing myself to doing tomorrows workout when I get up.  I always stick to my exercise plan best when I do it right when I wake up. :D  Here's to keepin' on, keepin' on.

Stay safe, stay happy, stay hopeful
Gonna keep on trucking signing off

She's back...

Hey all!  So I finally got my computer back (just in time for final term papers, woopey) and I can finally fill y'all in on what's up in the world of moi.

  Number one: Finally found out what's really going on with me.  After more fainting spells I went to see a neurologist early in April.  Though he suspected what it was right away, I had to go through a myriad of tests to rule out any truly harmful problems with my heart, arteries, and brain.  Good news is I don't have a tumor or a damaged heart or damaged arteries; yay!  The not so great news is that my doctor's suspicions were right and I have orthostatic hypo-tension   Basically, my systolic blood pressure (top number reading) drops 20 points periodically, usually when I go from sitting to standing.  He believes the most likely scenario is that my carotid body is underdeveloped and isn't always getting the signal to my heart to beat at the correct pace to keep my blood pressure at safe and normal levels.  If it is this it's just something I have to ride out and wait for the carotid body to mature.  Another possible culprit is autonomic neuropathy.  Basically I showed signs of slight sensory loss in my feet and this indicates (along with my insulin resistance) that the part of the nervous system that controls involuntary functions like the heart beating could be damaged.  If this is the case, treating the insulin resistance can reduce the symptoms but nothing can ever fully cure it.  So for now it's nice to at least know what's up and ways to lessen the symptoms.

   Number two:  I'm nearly finished with school this semester.  I finished my cell biology class and lab on Tuesday and handed in my final term paper on Thursday   The only thing left is my finance final this coming Wednesday and I'll be home free for the summer! YES!

   Number three:  I did not, unfortunately, make it through insanity.  There were a number of excuses I was able to find but it all boiled down to laziness on my part.  I'm going to attempt to start it over on Monday  but also try to mix in some swimming and some light weight lifting as well... well maybe not the weight lifting but we'll see.

   Number four:  I am now down to 224lbs! woot! However I'm having problems with my band.  I feel like every time
 I get a fill I get hungrier sooner on more food, although I make a point never to eat over 12 oz in one sitting if I'm weighing my own food.  Oh and side note, my kitchen scale broke!  So for a while I wasn't able to accurately measure because I've always measured by ounces not cups and 1 and a half actual cups of food did not even last me a few hours.  I'm worried I might have a leak, so my support team at the hospital is having me monitor what I eat, how much I eat, how soon I get hungry and to try and tell if it's real hunger or "brain" hunger.

Well that's all I've got for now.  Hope you all have been doing well and I'll make a point to drop by some pages when I'm less sleepy. :D

Stay safe, stay happy, stay hopeful
Signing off with love. :D

Technical difficulties

Hey all!  Just wanted to let you know I won't be posting for a while.  My adorable, lovely cat knocked my computer off my desk the other week and ripped the power cord and jack for the power cord out of the back of the computer.  Good news is I can get it fixed for about $100, which is way cheaper than buying a new one.  The bad news is I won't be able to blog for a while. :(

Because of this I'll fill you in a bit on what's happening/ coming up. On Monday I see the neurologist and hopefully finally figure out what's wrong.  i just went in for an adjustment and decided to add another .5 cc since i felt like i had been eating too much lately.  and, ashamed as i am to say it, i've been struggling with insanity.  i've been missing workout days and my nutrition has been pretty far from spectacular. good news is i want grocery shopping and got some good, good for me food and my cousin is a beach body coach so he's helping me with my insanity motivation and i'm back on the insanity train tomorrow. i did go ahead and weigh in and do measurements and though not stellar, they're still progress.  i dropped 3 lbs and 4 in total - mostly in my waist and hips - and i am a little bit stronger than i used to be.

well that's all i've got for now. hopefully i'll have my computer back soon so i can blog.

stay safe, stay happy, stay hopeful
back on the bandwagon signing off

Drum Roll Please...

For those who aren't fully up to date, I am testing out insanity for 60 days.  I started two weeks ago and have been doing pretty great; although I did get sick on thursday and wasn't able to do any insanity until today.  Needless to say, I was a TINY bit nervous (lol as in completely wet my pants terrified) of my workout today.  To make it even more nerve wracking, today it was time for the fit test (you do it every 15 days).  

So I strapped on my big girl panties, bit the bullet, and put in the DVD and do you know what happened?!  I freakin' rocked it! I actually made it through the warm up and only had to stop for it once and I improved on every move!  So, without further ado, I give you my fit test results from both day one and today:

 

As you can see I improved really well in the first three moves but then I pooped out after that; but hey, I still improved! :D  Now all I need to do is get my diet back under control and I'll be golden!

Stay safe, stay happy, stay hopeful

Fit Beast signing off :D

(Early) Update

Pretty much how I look after every insanity workout

Ok, so my plan to blog everyday was a total bust, but I don't feel so bad because I actually managed to do insanity everyday!  Well except yesterday 'cuz I was lazy and woke up late and by the time I was ready to work out my niece was going to bed and all the jumping wakes her up, so yesterday was a bust but I got right back in it today.  Word of advice, if you ever decide to do insanity, don't skip a day.  Because when you take a "rest" day when you're not supposed to (one is worked into the program once a week) then doing the workout the next day is like day one all over again; in other words, miserable!

Now I haven't weighed myself or taken my measurements again because it's only been a week and I think I'll wait until halfway through to do that so I'm not bugging out if my weight hasn't dropped (which usually it doesn't until about week 7 so I've heard).  However I will share a few neat things I've notice that I can now do that I couldn't a week ago:

1. I can kick my legs out into a plank position!  I couldn't even do that when I was at the gym working with a trainer!  This move is used in suicide jumps, drill levels 1 and 2, and burpies (and possibly others but I either can't remember or haven't done them yet).  Basically you start in a standing position with your feet pretty close together.  Next you "drop" down to the floor by crouching down, keeping your legs together, and putting your hands on the ground on either side of your legs.  Then, when your hands are steady on the ground, you kick both feet out behind you, at the same time, and hold your body in a plank position.  From there you can either do push-ups  floor sprints, or jump back into the crouch position, then jump straight up into the air.  Day one, I could not do this!  Today, not only can I jump out but I can also jump back in while keeping my legs mostly together.  (I say mostly because I've got pretty bit thighs and they really like to stick together which makes it hard for my knees to stay together, too).

2.  I can last a little bit longer into the warm-up!  Actually I can only make it through about the first move and then halfway through the second without stopping, but on day one I had to stop halfway through the 1st move so that's progress!

3.  I can go down a tiny bit farther with my push-ups and not once have I done a girly push-up!  On day one I sort of held myself in the plank position and moved my head.  Today I can actually bend my arms just a tiny bit and bring myself back up.  My head still moves, because we all know that head movement makes a push-up easier (right?) ;), but at least my arms are moving now too.

Stay safe, stay happy, stay hopeful
Sore in places I didn't know could be sore, signing off!

Insanity Day 1 Photos (not for the faint of heart or squeamish)

In sixty days these will be dramatically different!  Trying hard not to criticize the photos too much since they do show my progress from surgery day but I never got good photos like these so it's still kind of hard to tell... oh well, in 60 days there will be a dramatic difference.  Will I look like those people who are in the infomercial  No of course not, but I will have some results I'm sure of it!

We're INSANE over here!

It's official: I am now testing out the 60 day insanity work out and today was day one.  Let me give you a quick recap of what my first workout was like... OWWWY!!!! LOL and today was just the fit test.  The real workout doesn't start until tomorrow.  I'm not gonna lie, I'm a little scared but also kind of excited at the same time.

For those of you who don't know, insanity is max interval training which is basically periods of high intensity with tiny rests in between... so it's interval training turned on it's head.  It claims to be the hardest workout on DVD on the market right now and that it will give you  a  year's worth of results in just 2 months.  I decided why not? If I stick with it for 2 months and I'm not satisfied they'll refund my money; if it's the other way around than woo hoo for me!

So my step sister and I are doing it together which I think is great because I think we'll be able to keep each other motivated since we'll both be lying down panting and sweating like pigs before the warm ups even over, which means we're not alone in our out of shape-ness. ;)  This is something we already demonstrated by doing the fit test.  The fit test is about 25 min. long and includes a warm-up, 8 workouts of 1 minute each with maybe 30s-1min of rest in between and then a cool down.  Seems simple right? WRONG.  The warm-up itself was a workout; to quote my sister "who warms up like this?" said in a breathy panting sort of way. :D  The eight moves are switch kicks, power jacks, power knees, power jumps, globe jumps (traveling squat jumps), suicide jumps, push-up jacks, and low plank oblique.

As an extra motivation to keep me going I'll post on here daily, even if only to say yes I did my workout, and post my fit test results which we do periodically throughout the 2 month process.  Here are today's fit test results:

Switch Kicks: 46
Power Jacks: 26
Power Knees: 54
Power Jumps: 21
Globe Jumps (x4): 5 (20)
Suicide Jumps: 6
Push-up Jacks: 4
Low Plank Oblique: 18

I will also post my beginning measurements, weight and photos... or at least try with the photos since my computer has been picky about that recently.

Starting weight:
230.8 lbs

Starting measurements:
Neck: 15.75 in
Bust: 48 in
Right Bicep: 16.5 in
Right Forearm: 12 in
Waist: 46.75 in
Hips: 52.5 in
Right Thigh: 28.5 in
Right Calf: 18.5 in

Here's to getting insanely fit! teeheehee

Stay safe, stay happy, stay hopeful
She's totally insane, signing off

Back to Basics

So I haven't posted a band related post in quite some time so I thought I'd settle myself down and get back to what started this entire journey.  I think sometime within the past few months I've lost sight of, sometime even forgotten, why I did this and what I wanted to accomplish.  I've started noticing myself looking for that easy "quick fix" diet and I have to be like "whoa, wait a second, you're banded lady you don't need one of those!"  Anyways here's a list of some of the positives of my banding:

1.  It was something I needed to give me a kick start.  If I could just get that first little push I could gain momentum and really take off.

2. It was a scary, exhilarating decision and one of my own making.  I put in the time and effort and I was proud when my day finally arrived.

3. My sense of pride when I went through my first few weeks so on track and so focused, and seeing the results on the scale almost on a daily basis.

4. I could feel my life changing  moving, finally getting out of the rut it had been in for years and years and it was amazing.

5. The first month after my banding was the best and happiest time of my life in a very long while.  I was proud of myself and happy with the person I saw in the mirror, even though she wasn't perfect.  I was finally able to look at that woman in the mirror and love and accept her for exactly who she was.

I've lost sight of those feelings, but I'm determined to find them again.  I have a little trick up my sleeve on how to do that, but that's another story for another blog. :D

Stay safe, stay happy, stay hopeful
Newly determined signing off

Um... Oops

Ok so I said A LOT of stuff in my previous blog only a few hours ago and I have to say I feel much better.  Hmm maybe all I needed to do was say something about it, huh?  Anyways, I actually did not get on my blog to post such a giant vent session but it just kinda slipped past my fingers.  What I meant to post was a question of what you all thought of insanity and if I should go ahead and try it.

It looks like it would work but only by me putting in the effort.  Maybe I could do a thing to blog daily updates to keep myself accountable.  However it looks really super hard and that's kind of scary.  I've done a little bit of looking into what others have thought and most everyone loves it, but all those people are of a specific personality type; they're competitive and/or former athletes who don't mind the somewhat in your face motivation style of the videos.  Now I know I'm not really an athlete but back in high school I did swim competitively and I was always very... well competitive.  I always worked best when trying to outdo someone else or myself.  So maybe it wouldn't be so bad.

It basically comes down to fear.  I'm afraid of how hard it will be and trust me it'll be hard because even in the infomercials they say it's the hardest workout ever put out there on DVD.  Maybe I'm afraid of trying and not doing well; or of trying and actually succeeding. Maybe I'm afraid of the pain (well I know I am, but is that the biggest fear?).  Anyways, let me know what you think and maybe by the time you do I'll have come to a decision but will still appreciate the input. :D

Stay safe, stay happy, stay hopeful
Fearful and shamefaced signing off

My body: the world's most effective progress and success sink hole.

Ok so I've been such a slug I can't stand it anymore.  Granted I've been helped in my sluggish ways by a new and improved bout of hypoglycemic episodes.  Although now I'm being referred to a neurologist so maybe it's not even hypoglycemia, maybe I have some weird seizure thing or something.  I've already been asked, most likely in a joking manner, if they think I might have a brain tumor. ;D  As of yet, I'm not jumping to that conclusion so no one freak out cuz if you do I'll just get paranoid and run around with a self diagnosed brain tumor and I'll probably croke from stress. :D

For the past week I've left my house only once, I've barely gotten out of bed and i think I've showered once; twice if the people I'm living with are really lucky.  I won't lie and say I haven't been battling some serious nasty thoughts and waves of major self pity and depression.  I've even asked out loud if it's all worth it any more.  Even going so far as to praying or God to just end it already.  Saying I'm tired and done can't I just close my eyes and never open them again?  Super dramatic and obnoxious now that I look back on it but I won't lie and say I wasn't in that place.

Why was I in that place?  I'm not sure exactly, all I know is I just felt like why try to change in life when life seemed so damned determined to make sure that never happened.  I went over six months without an incident and then BAM! one month after my lap band, the best life changing, life giving decision I'd ever made and these symptoms come back with a vengeance and don't let up.  Fainting, dizziness, shaking, nausea, confusion; you name it I've experienced it.  I take two weeks off to try and get it under control and nothing, not a freaking sign that these symptoms ever happened.  Three days back at work and BAM! paramedics are called to work, AGAIN, and I'm that chick.  The one at work that everyone whispers about and feels sorry for, or you know says she's brought it on herself and resents her for always missing work and they have to pick up her slack and frankly I wouldn't blame them if that really is what they think.  I'm so mad I can hardly see straight and I want to scream and hit stuff and cry and it all just really sucks.

However instead of screaming and crying and hitting I'm lying in my bed, that hasn't been made in weeks, blindly reading books I've read a hundred times, or sitting at my computer playing hours of mind numbing games or watching movies; anything to keep me from actually dealing with whatever is going on.  I had my last episode last Thursday and to this day I can't shake the dizziness.  I'm pissed and not very hopeful that this neurologist will find anything wrong.  He'll say what everyone else has said; that my test results are perfectly normal and nothing is wrong with me.  This begs the question: are they right?  Is there really nothing wrong with me.  Is this another one of my attempts at self sabotage.  Is a person capable of throwing themselves into near syncopal episodes whenever they're starting to make progress and set themselves back 20 paces?  By the way a syncopal or near syncopal episode, from my understanding, is a fancy way of saying fainting or near fainting - at least, that's what I think when so many doctors throw that phrase around when referring to me saying I kinda passed out but not really cuz I could hear voices and feel things but couldn't always tell what was being said and couldn't respond.  I know I should look this stuff up but at this point if a freaking doctor can't figure out what's wrong, then me and Web M.D. have no chance.

Due to my delightful condition - weather real or... what?... no imagined cuz I mean it is happening but... maybe... brought on subconsciously... somehow - by myself, I have missed three classes, one lab, and an entire week of work.  I don't work out, I don't eat unless starving and then it's crap like pizza or something like that.  I've completely given up on my band and helping it out and going through this process.  I have a check-in tomorrow and I'm considering changing the appointment because I just don't want to go in and see the same number from last time and the time before.  I feel ashamed and like a bad person.  I'm not exactly sure why, but I do.

Oh and, PS  my sleep study results came back and guess what? Up you guessed it, the results were normal.  My blood sugars, pressures, tests and blah blah blah blah blah are all so NORMAL! God I've never hated that word more in my entire life!  Ok I'm getting way too worked up.  I'm starting to misspell my words and mess up my grammar and though not a new thing for me, the overwhelming urge to beat the ever loving stuffing out of my keyboard is so I'm gonna go drink some water and sit in my bed and seethe... good freaking night.

Long time no post

Wow, hi all! Sorry for the long silence.  February just kind of zoomed on past me. :D Here's a summary of my month:

• I have not done well exercise wise and as a result have not really lost any weight since my initial first month 20lb drop.  It's dissapointing but it's also my own fault.  
• My diet hasn't been too bad; not stellar, but not horrible either.  I just haven't been eating well rounded meals like I should.
• Plus side, while I haven't lost, neither have I gained, which is the sliver lining. :D always need to look for that right?
• I took two weeks off work until I could get my hypoglycemia under control and started back just the other day and it's great.  You kind of forget how much you like and appreciate certain things until you haven't dealt with them in a while and then realize how much happier you are once you start up again (hmm maybe I should apply that to exercise huh? :D).
• Finally have gotten my hypoglycemia under control and have not had an episode in three whole weeks! yay! Plus I had a sleep study done, which I'll talk with my doctor about on friday, and I've been sleeping with oxygen at night which seems to help some. :D
• I'm doing great in school and even got an A on my first cell bio exam and a C+ on my first financial concepts exam (trust me this was a great thing since I missed two days of financial concepts which is a three hour class once a week due to my hypoglycemia and didn't know the last half of the material very well).
• I'm moving in with my step sister this weekend and am super stoked! I love her and her baby girl and can't wait to spend lots of time with them!

Well that's pretty much my month in a nut shell. I'll try to have a more pithy, funny post next time but right now I'm just too sleepy. :D

I couldn't get my full body photos to load
but here's my most recent head shot. :D

Stay safe, stay happy, stay hopeful
Remiss in her blogging duties signing off! :D

Goals

My last post was all about my new little adventure called hypoglycemia. In light of this I'm going to put up a few of my "prescribed" goals (and how I feel about them) and some of my own goals. :D

1. Walk 10,000 steps a day.  ~ This is one my doctor wants and I know that it's good for people to get up and move and try to get that many steps in, in a day, but seriously?  Between school, work (which is life-guarding and teaching lessons so I can't even take my pedometer with me), and the exhaustion that comes with the fun hypoglycemia trial and error phase this goal just sucks.  I have a pedometer I wear but only get about 1,000-2,000 steps in, in a day.

2. Eat 6 times a day; 3 meals and 3 snacks with no more than 30 carbs per meal and 15 carbs per snack. ~ This one is also a gem given to me by my doctor and since my band is still so loose it's actually doable and I'm not really having a problem until my "quick foods" like light salami and ham run out and I have to start actually thinking and cooking.  Then I just look at my fridge with a fiery rage and wish it to damnation for not having easy things for me and forcing me to actually act like the grown up I'm supposed to be. :)

3.  Cut all "white foods" out of my diet and cut out fruit for a month. ~  This one was all me (well okay, it was my mom, but I fully jumped on this band wagon and have no issues with it really.)  We went through the house and threw out all the foods that had white flour or enriched flour.  We then replaced those with things like brown rice, honey wheat sandwich thins (made with wheat flour), melba snacks, multi-grain seed crackers and lots of veggies and proteins.  This actually falls right into alignment with a preferred hypoglycemic diet.  The temporary fruit ban is to prevent my body from craving sugars while I'm trying to detox all the simple carbs from my diet and to prevent my insulin from dumping into my system, causing a spike in insulin (that I won't use), followed by a plummet in my level of balance, vision, and consciousness.

4.  Exercise 30 minutes a day. ~ Also from my doctor, but not one I've been even attempting this week.  I do have zumba tapes, I work at a pool where I can swim for free, and I work on trade at a gym so I have a free membership so I really don't have any reason why I can't do this I just have excuses.  I'm too tired, I don't want to drive all the way to the gym, I'm too busy, blah, blah, blah.  I know these are excuses but I can't seem to get past them; any ideas for that?

Summer 2011.  Probably in the 260s

So that's pretty much it, but before I go I wanted to share something with you all.  I found my camera today and on it were photos from a family reunion about a year and a half ago and I found some photos of me where I'm pretty sure I'm at my heaviest.  As I was waiting for these photos to load on my computer I was playing around with the camera and snapped a shot of myself that I believe is simply gorgeous!  To look at a picture of myself and say it's gorgeous is a pretty radical thing so I thought I'd share both my family reunion photo and my gorgeous snap shot.  Enjoy.

My bored snap shot today sans makeup and hadn't even brushed my hair yet

Stay safe, stay happy, stay hopeful
Closeted beauty signing off

New Developements

Hey all!  Sorry I've been gone for a while but I haven't been feeling well for the past few weeks and the other day I found out why: I am hypoglycemic.  This, on top of my insulin resistance, has resulted in fainting spells, trips to the ER in an ambulance, loss of money since I can't work after having an episode and just down right crumminess all around.  

    It started well over a year ago but I was always told there was nothing wrong with me.  My blood sugars were always in  the acceptable range and I was negative for diabetes and on meds for my insulin resistance.  I had quite a few bouts of it starting last February that lasted into May or June but then things stopped and I figured hey all right, I'm all better.  Nope, not even close.  

    A few weeks ago, while I was guarding on deck, I passed out.  I was unconscious for nearly a full minute (or so I'm told) and was transported to the hospital. They did all their poking and prodding and ran all their tests and guess what?  There was absolutely nothing wrong with me.  I was in perfect health except that I fainted... but you know that's just a tiny detail. ;)

   So after a few weeks of this I finally got into see a specialist and he says it's "hypoglycemia" but gave it a much different and more complicated name.  He said it was basically the same thing but they'd renamed it because not everyone who had the symptoms had low blood sugar readings.  In fact a lot of people were suffering all the symptoms of it but had perfect blood sugar.  I am one of those lucky people.  I'm also one of those "great" patients where it's easy to track what foods trigger my episodes because I have such strong symptoms.

   I can't say how relieve I was that someone had finally given me a definitive answer.  I was starting to think I was somehow making this happen by stressing or thinking about it too much or something.  And now that I have an answer I also have new meds (oh joy, something else to remember ;) ) and a new diet plan.  Because my band is not tight yet, I'm able to follow this diet pretty much to a tee.  I'm to eat 6 times a day; 3 meals and 3 snacks.  I can't go over 30 carbs per meal and no more than 15 carbs per snack.  Along with my new meds, I am also taking cinnamon tablets since they've been shown to help regulate blood sugar or something like that. (I'm on so many meds these days it's hard to keep it all straight).

   Unfortunately for me, however, this diet is not a straight shot "you do this, you'll get better" kind of thing.  Every person's body reacts differently to foods and it's trial and error for me to find those foods that, even though they're within my allotted carbs, trigger an episode.  Since beginning this two days ago I've been constantly fatigued but had no dizziness  no blurry vision and no fainting; at least until this afternoon.  I woke up after my nap and my vision was blurry, I was nauseous and I felt like I was going to fall over.  I then laid down and went into convulsions (kind of).  They're more like when you start to shiver and you can't control it but bigger and my hold body literally convulses but I'm completely conscious through the entire 30 second or less process.  

   Don't worry though I ate lunch and then finally, after my snack a few hours later was feeling better.  I'm still tired, but that might be something I have to deal with for a while.  How about any of you?  Did/do any of you have to deal with something like this before or after your banding?  Did it eventually get better?

Stay safe, Stay happy, Stay hopeful

Super (Medicated) Woman signing off

Sour Grapes

    I can't explain it, but all day today I've just been down right crabby.  (I have a more explicit word in mind but thought crabby was more reader friendly).  I've had no motivation to make any food, even to eat, and I just have this mindset like "what's the freakin' point.  Who gives a rat's petunia anyways?"  I have no idea where this mood came from but I hope it doesn't last long.  I had hoped that I would be all positives and rainbows and unicorns about this process, especially when it's working so well, but I guess that was a pipe dream.  I'm not sure if I'm disappointing about that or not because I'm feeling pretty negative about everything right now.
    I was fine last week.  In fact, I was great last week so I don't understand this grumpy pants mood.  My Mom, God love her, is just getting on my last nerve and I know all she's trying to do is help but when she says things like "you know it's 12:30 right?" while I'm in the shower getting ready for a 1:00 class I just want to scream "does it look like I have access to a watch right now?! NO I do not know it's 12:30 but I do know I have to be to class soon.  Why the freak do you think I'm in the freaking shower?!"  And then when she knows everything I did up until I left for school (which did not include eating because I did not give myself enough time to put something together, which is totally my fault and on me and I'm not mad at my mom because I didn't have food) and then I come back home right after class and she asks if I've eaten today I just want to scream and pull my hair out and be like "really?! you're asking me this question? Did you see me eat before I left?! NO! Therefore, no I have not eaten today!"  Of course she defends her question by saying something like "well I don't know where you went after class; if you went out and got something."  Like she doesn't trust me to stay on the right path without her hovering over me ALL the time!  NO mom I did NOT eat out after class.  I have a 1-2:15 class and a 2:30-5:20 class.  I have no time to get food and I was home by 5:40; not enough time to stop by a fast food joint, eat the food, and hide the evidence - especially since it takes me forever to eat anything these days!
    Gah!  Some days I just can't stand it! I did fine on my own without her hovering over me like gnat.  I know when my classes are and when I have to work.  I know the consequences of not getting up in time to make food and I know how to remedy that situation as soon as possible in a healthy way.  Why can she not just trust me for crying out loud?!  And why does it bother me so much to the point where I almost feel the need to get violent with something?!

stay safe, stay happy, stay hopeful
borderline homicidal signing off

Results!

 So as of one month since my surgery I am down 20 lbs! Woo hoo! I know my before pictures aren't that great and I'm super sorry about my progress photos.  I had to print them in order to scan them back into my computer to collage them together and I'm low on ink.  I promise I was not wearing a bright yellow shirt with pink was jeans! lol I'm actually wearing the same shirt as in the first before photo. :D

Anyways it's been quite an interesting month full of new experiences and realizations.  Here are a few off the top of my head. :D

1. I've discovered that I really can cook!  Not sure yet if I love to cook, but I CAN do it!
2. Along with that, I've also discovered that I won't die if I don't eat fast food every day. (Not that I thought I would before but you couldn't tell that by the way I shoveled Wendy's, McDonald's, and Jack in the Box into my mouth on a daily basis.)
3. I've realized that 8 oz of food is way more food than I thought it was.  Don't get me wrong, it's not an all you can eat buffet but I was imagining tiny plates that barely had any food on them.  Goes to show how well I can "eye ball" my portions. :D
4. I now have only one bra and one pair of pants that really "fit" and I use that term loosely.  Haha, get it, loosely?! I love unintentional puns! :D
5. While living in the yellow zone, it is important for me to eat between meals (a.k.a when my tummy starts to tell me it's hungry only 3 hours after eating) other wise I will pass out and that's just no fun.
6. I love to swim and dance and have fun with my cardio!
7. I hate treadmills, ellipticals, and especially stair steppers!
8. You can lose weight in your feet! How, prey tell, do I know this?  Even my shoes are getting too big!
9. I've shed quite a few insecurities and personality flaws along with the pounds. i.e. I automatically make my bed in the morning now and do more work around the house without being asked.  I will also go out to a party dressed to the nines confident in myself and my appearance and free myself to have a good time.
10. This is by far the best decision I have ever made thus far in my life and I'm so proud of myself!

Stay safe, stay happy, stay hopeful
20 lbs down signing off!

Before; Sometime in the 6 month observation period.;
259 lbs

Morning of surgery; 251.2

1 month after surgery; 231.2 lbs.
 20 lbs down!

Whoa! Did anyone get that license plate number?!

Holy cheese on a cracker!  I can't believe how long it's been since I last posted!  All I have to say for myself is that I got so busy with work and preparing for school that the weeks just sort of sped by.  So I know you're all dying to know how my life is ( I mean who wouldn't right? ;) ).  It'll be a month since my surgery this Saturday and I at my last weigh-in (last week) I was down to 235!  What?!  Holy boulders batman, that's just crazy!  I weigh in again tomorrow and I get my first adjustment next week; should have been this week, but the nurse who does the fills had the audacity to have a baby today! Jeez I know right?! Some people are just so inconsiderate! ;) (JK)

Anyways I started my exercise once the doc released me to and it's been pretty good.  I'm only allowed to do cardio right now, so I do a lot of swimming.  I love swimming!  I was the captain of my high school swim team and even back then I was no stick figure.  When I can't go swimming I will walk on the treadmill but I hate it and I don't even burn half the calories that I do when I'm swimming.  So moral of the story; swimming = most awesome, amazing, and funnest thing on the planet! and treadmill = ugh! do I have to?!

Food wise I'm glad to be on solid foods and I am actually sticking to good food choices for the majority of the time.  Once in a while I'll slip but it's not like an everyday once in a while more like a once a week once in a while.  Which may not seem like a once in a while thing, but for me right now that's pretty darn good and pretty darn once in a while! :D  The only complaint I have about eating right now is how slow I have to go, not because I want to shovel it all down my gullet in 10 seconds flat (at least not most the time ;) ) but because my food gets cold and cold eggs are just icky.  Okay I lied I have one more complaint.  Since I haven't had and adjustment yet, I only stay full for like 2-3 hours on 8 oz of foo and I'm not even supposed to be up to 8 oz of food yet so I'm kinda hungry most of the time but it's not the kind of hunger that's so bad you pass out (which I also did the other for that exact reason, but that's another story for another day).

I also started school this week and so far so good but I've only been to one class, so not really enough sample material to go on just yet. I'm excited to be that girl at the end of the semester where her classmates go "hey, does that girl look different to you? Yeah I think she does; she looks GOOD!" lol

Speaking of looking good, I've had many people tell me they can already see a difference and I even go the much appreciated "you're looking skinny today" comment. :D  My suits and guarding shorts and shirts are looser, my pants and shirts are loose, I dropped two underwear sizes, and my bra likes to try to fall off during the day! :D it's wonderful!

I still can't see my toes when I look down without having to bend over, but trust me you will all know when that day comes!  However I can get up the stairs without getting as winded and It's much easier to swim these days as well.  I can go longer before I start to feel like I'm dying. :D

I'll post again in a few days with my one month progress!  Can't wait to get some comparative pictures up! :D

Stay safe, stay happy, stay hopeful
Sexy and I know it signing off!